These past 22 months have been fascinating; tragic, monotonous, at times horrifying and at others crazy making, but fascinating in the sense that so much was revealed.
I have been alone for quite some time... during the pandemic my youngest daughter got married and moved out of state. I live in Southern California and all my children/grandchildren live in other parts of the country now. Just as I was getting used to living without someone needing something from me on a daily basis and having no one to say goodnight to and then my mother suddenly passed away. Less than 2 weeks later my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, less than a few months after that my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and about two days ago my brother had a seizure. These past 6 months have been really rough... however, these past 2 years have not been all bad, I have enjoyed the quiet even though there have been times the complete silence has made me wonder if I have lost my hearing. I know this pandemic has been hard for many but I do think everyone needs more time alone and in a quiet space. We are all in desperate need of healing mind, body and soul and I honestly feel the best way to do that is in a quiet, non-chaotic decent chunk of time and space.
In my case I have never been a very sociable person so in a way this whole situation of isolation did not stun me so much in that aspect but it helped me to rediscover myself again with something that I had put aside due to lack of time and which is my passion .. I began to dedicate time every day to drawing and learning new artistic methods and techniques, I discovered digital art and began to participate in virtual calls through the networks while they suggested a new technique to inspire me even more to through the music its lyrics and sounds and capture the emotions that it transmits to me. Likewise, it has been a nice period with my family because we have been more united although I really hope that soon we can return to true normality, but life will always leave us learning about everything and I am grateful for it
For as long as this last evolution point existed, we’ve grown up inside a swampy, heavy void. Experiencing it drain out and reveal all of the things we need to deconstruct from in order to become better, more advanced and empathetic humans has been excruciatingly fascinating - I agree! And love… how we tend to base it off of what others do for us and how they make us feel versus what we adore in them as autonomous beings - may be another lesson of progression. Ask someone why they love you and see what their first response is. Do they say they love you because you are of service to them in some way…or do they immediately say something complimentary to you as your own individual self? Reverse this and think of your own response. I think we will be able to advance ourselves to a whole new meaning of love and relationships after this stillness too.
I just stumbled on your substack and reading in a bit of a backwards fashion so excuse the late arrival. I truly enjoy an artists story, about a song, an album, their life. I just dipped into your new album and the sons of the sea which has been on an endless loop everywhere i go. Covid put a halt on this world, polarizing all aspects of life. I saw only one side, there was no alone, there was no dime in the dryer. There was loud explosions and fear and war with an invisible enemy. I saw whole families die, tears running and fogging up PPE and trying to catch my breath in a respirator while doing CPR. Am i next, will I die and leave me child without a mother? Covid feels more like an nuisance now than a threat, and music brought me back down to earth. After years of sadness, fear and anger I start to feel deep love, creativity, and peace. Rant over. Xoxo
At home it’s just me and daughter, who is 12 years old today. Except she’s not. Those are the years she’s been on earth but socially, emotionally, and cognitively she’s a toddler. She’s nonverbal but says a lot very loudly-if you’re kind enough and wise enough to listen. That being said there are days I barely use my voice. During the shut down it was just us. Her sister couldn’t visit, her father didn’t take her on his usual days, no school, no family, no pets, no friends. In an apartment with no yard. It was too quiet until it wasn’t. The meltdowns were severe and absolutely cut me to my core…but I don’t forget I’m the adult helping her through. She’s the child experiencing them with absolutely no concept or idea what a pandemic is or why the world changed. We don’t know helplessness like children like my little redhead does. Taking car rides down long country roads often with no plan or direction saved us. We’d put on music (a fuck ton you wrote) and just drive. It calmed her, gave her new scenery and sensory than an apartment facing a parking lot could. I’m just saying…I get it.
...and sometimes we need to ask ourselves: Do I really miss him/her or do I just miss being in a relationship? Too many people stay in an unfulfilling relationship because they are frightened of being alone.
I remember feeling guilty during the first few months of the pandemic, like I took my time with friends, loved ones, and out in the world for granted. Lockdown was terrifying and anxiety inducing. As humans, we're social animals and without the constant stream of chatter and everyday human contact life just feels... empty. Lonely. You don't really notice the constant background noise almost a white noise of sorts, until it's gone and then everything turns into a terrifying void.
At the same time though it's definitely given us more time to reflect, on ourselves, our nature, and what we can do better. Although the world can never go back to pre-covid "normal" since so many things have changed, we can use this change to make our world better and feel more deep appreciation for the "noise" of humankind.
This entry gave me many feelings, mostly of the YES, ME TOO, YES variety. These past nearly two years (oh my god, two years) have been simultaneously awful and impossible and slow as hell and fast as fuck. Just...languishing in my brain. I relate to this song on so many different levels and it's such an exceptional love song. It has all the components of love and yearning and desire but is entirely unique as to its content.
I'm rambling, maybe I need a substack 😂 anywayyy, thank you for sharing. Love to you.
I have been alone for quite some time... during the pandemic my youngest daughter got married and moved out of state. I live in Southern California and all my children/grandchildren live in other parts of the country now. Just as I was getting used to living without someone needing something from me on a daily basis and having no one to say goodnight to and then my mother suddenly passed away. Less than 2 weeks later my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, less than a few months after that my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer and about two days ago my brother had a seizure. These past 6 months have been really rough... however, these past 2 years have not been all bad, I have enjoyed the quiet even though there have been times the complete silence has made me wonder if I have lost my hearing. I know this pandemic has been hard for many but I do think everyone needs more time alone and in a quiet space. We are all in desperate need of healing mind, body and soul and I honestly feel the best way to do that is in a quiet, non-chaotic decent chunk of time and space.
In my case I have never been a very sociable person so in a way this whole situation of isolation did not stun me so much in that aspect but it helped me to rediscover myself again with something that I had put aside due to lack of time and which is my passion .. I began to dedicate time every day to drawing and learning new artistic methods and techniques, I discovered digital art and began to participate in virtual calls through the networks while they suggested a new technique to inspire me even more to through the music its lyrics and sounds and capture the emotions that it transmits to me. Likewise, it has been a nice period with my family because we have been more united although I really hope that soon we can return to true normality, but life will always leave us learning about everything and I am grateful for it
For as long as this last evolution point existed, we’ve grown up inside a swampy, heavy void. Experiencing it drain out and reveal all of the things we need to deconstruct from in order to become better, more advanced and empathetic humans has been excruciatingly fascinating - I agree! And love… how we tend to base it off of what others do for us and how they make us feel versus what we adore in them as autonomous beings - may be another lesson of progression. Ask someone why they love you and see what their first response is. Do they say they love you because you are of service to them in some way…or do they immediately say something complimentary to you as your own individual self? Reverse this and think of your own response. I think we will be able to advance ourselves to a whole new meaning of love and relationships after this stillness too.
I just stumbled on your substack and reading in a bit of a backwards fashion so excuse the late arrival. I truly enjoy an artists story, about a song, an album, their life. I just dipped into your new album and the sons of the sea which has been on an endless loop everywhere i go. Covid put a halt on this world, polarizing all aspects of life. I saw only one side, there was no alone, there was no dime in the dryer. There was loud explosions and fear and war with an invisible enemy. I saw whole families die, tears running and fogging up PPE and trying to catch my breath in a respirator while doing CPR. Am i next, will I die and leave me child without a mother? Covid feels more like an nuisance now than a threat, and music brought me back down to earth. After years of sadness, fear and anger I start to feel deep love, creativity, and peace. Rant over. Xoxo
At home it’s just me and daughter, who is 12 years old today. Except she’s not. Those are the years she’s been on earth but socially, emotionally, and cognitively she’s a toddler. She’s nonverbal but says a lot very loudly-if you’re kind enough and wise enough to listen. That being said there are days I barely use my voice. During the shut down it was just us. Her sister couldn’t visit, her father didn’t take her on his usual days, no school, no family, no pets, no friends. In an apartment with no yard. It was too quiet until it wasn’t. The meltdowns were severe and absolutely cut me to my core…but I don’t forget I’m the adult helping her through. She’s the child experiencing them with absolutely no concept or idea what a pandemic is or why the world changed. We don’t know helplessness like children like my little redhead does. Taking car rides down long country roads often with no plan or direction saved us. We’d put on music (a fuck ton you wrote) and just drive. It calmed her, gave her new scenery and sensory than an apartment facing a parking lot could. I’m just saying…I get it.
...and sometimes we need to ask ourselves: Do I really miss him/her or do I just miss being in a relationship? Too many people stay in an unfulfilling relationship because they are frightened of being alone.
Thank you for sharing, Bran.❤️ So beautiful to read.
Bravo
Love this song! And the video is rad! 🤙
I remember feeling guilty during the first few months of the pandemic, like I took my time with friends, loved ones, and out in the world for granted. Lockdown was terrifying and anxiety inducing. As humans, we're social animals and without the constant stream of chatter and everyday human contact life just feels... empty. Lonely. You don't really notice the constant background noise almost a white noise of sorts, until it's gone and then everything turns into a terrifying void.
At the same time though it's definitely given us more time to reflect, on ourselves, our nature, and what we can do better. Although the world can never go back to pre-covid "normal" since so many things have changed, we can use this change to make our world better and feel more deep appreciation for the "noise" of humankind.
“ a moonlit trail of V’s
come waving off of your back.”
👀 the visuals with this lyric!
Beautifully written reflection on your relationship. Thank you for sharing.
This entry gave me many feelings, mostly of the YES, ME TOO, YES variety. These past nearly two years (oh my god, two years) have been simultaneously awful and impossible and slow as hell and fast as fuck. Just...languishing in my brain. I relate to this song on so many different levels and it's such an exceptional love song. It has all the components of love and yearning and desire but is entirely unique as to its content.
I'm rambling, maybe I need a substack 😂 anywayyy, thank you for sharing. Love to you.