Unfinished Business

On Hungry Ghosts, Anti-Fragilty, Strained Backs And Nirvana.

Good morning from my little perch in the Santa Monica Mountains.

I’ve been home now for a few weeks and I’m feeling a predictable mixture of sensations after an extended outing with my band. There’s a very real sense of accomplishment tinged with pride, as we did what we set out to do. But the hiccups along the way, which are inevitable even under normal circumstances, have peppered our tiny triumphs with a lingering sense of “unfinished business”. Like the ghost in every supernatural thriller, I need a youthful, pure-spirited person to discover what happened here and bring it into the light so that I might finally rest after my protracted, inter-dimensional ordeal.

It always feels like this though, even when everything goes according to plan. I don’t entirely understand how it feels this way every time we return but maybe that’s why we keep doing it. Perhaps there is something waiting at the bottom of this sandbox we’ve been digging down into since we were kids. Some satiation, on the shoulders of which is a deep, final exhale that signals a cosmic permission to surrender and hang up the hat once and for all. Considering this, I offer you the formal definition of the term ‘Nirvana’ as understood in Sanskrit:

Nirvana, (Sanskrit: “becoming extinguished” or “blowing out”) Pali nibbana, in Indian religious thought, the supreme goal of certain meditation disciplines. Although it occurs in the literatures of a number of ancient Indian traditions, the Sanskrit term nirvana is most commonly associated with Buddhism, in which it is the oldest and most common designation for the goal of the Buddhist path. It is used to refer to the extinction of desire, hatred, and ignorance and, ultimately, of suffering and rebirth. Literally, it means “blowing out” or “becoming extinguished,” as when a flame is blown out or a fire burns out. (Referenced from britannica.com) Also, coolest fucking band name. Ever.

That “hungry ghost”, as it’s been described in so much spiritual literature, is an idea worth meditating on. When are we finished? When are we full? When are we enough? Is there drive or ambition without it? How connected to the sexual impulse is it? Are they one and the same? Is there music without sex? A mosquito. My libido! Yyyyeah!

I know where the lowest hanging fruit of these feelings are. I hurt my back a few weeks into this tour and I had to cancel four concerts, then for the next 2-3 weeks I was relegated to a stool while onstage. I’m certain that is where the immediate feelings of “unfinished business” are coming from today. The Sitting Shows, as I will refer to them henceforth, where actually quite fun and enlightening. I learned that I (kind of) sing better when I am sitting down and not flopping around like a monkey on stage. I learned that our audiences, all over America, seem to be alright with me at half mast and sang at volumes to prove it. But most of all, I was reminded once again how incredible our human body is. So fragile in certain respects but ultimately anti-fragile in most others. Our capacity to heal is nothing short of a superpower and I’ve now been injured enough times to say with a robust certainty that the human body is nothing short of a miracle. I drift here into religious language because I don’t have words to accurately describe, from a secular POV, what healing is. We know THAT we heal, but WHY? When so many, if not all (?), observable systems in nature are entropic in an ultimate sense, why do we heal after being bent and/or broken? I am reminded again of that ghost in every horror flick and its “unfinished business”. I am also reminded, as cheesy as it is to quote oneself, of the Incubus song ‘Undefeated’ and its lyric in the chorus of the track, “I’m bent but not broken…” Are we far enough along in this relationship for me to quote myself, or did I just perform the artist’s cardinal sin numero uno? Ha! While I’m here sinning, I might as well link you to the song and complete the sin.

Sin completed, thank you.

And while we’re on the topic of ghosts, All Hallows Eve, things unfinished and matters of spiritual importance that turn into band names, I invite you to ruminate upon what animates you. What is pulling your strings, jiggling your compass, or feeding that hungriest of ghosts? Will you (we) ever be contented? Is there such thing? Our dearly departed Richard Alpert, also known as Ram Dass, has some enlightened and delightful stories about this very idea, and you might use the ol’ internet to find them! Anything to supplement the gloom and doom, the endless torrent of undulating body parts and the seemingly relentless dismantling of society. The internet does have some bright spots, believe it or not.

Carry on, Autumn friends! I am working on lots of fun projects, both audio and visual and I am excited to share them with you soon. Until then please accept a candy corn flavored kiss and a hug that smells like the pilfered isles of any Spirit Halloween costume store at 6pm on October 31st.

Cheers,

Brandon Boyd