Den Of Eternal Lamentations

(Or) The Weirdest Day Of My Life

What was the weirdest day of your life?

I know this question has taken on a new relevance in the COVID era. Our current epoch has gone from daily head-scratching to daily hand-slapping of our proverbial forehead. We need new ways to express our collective discontent lest we permanently etch the imprint of said hand above said brow. To say that this period of time has been “weird” is like showing up to the Understatement of the Year awards ceremony, waltzing up to the podium, calmly taking the mic from host Nick Offerman, holding it right up to your asshole, farting soundly through the PA, then proclaiming, “Sorry everyone, that was maybe a little out of line.”

Yes, it’s been a very strange two years.

But I suppose I’m looking for one day. I think I can safely say that at 46 years old I’ve had my fair share of weird days. But I’ll zero in on one; the day I found out that my first real girlfriend, my best friend of seven years, had been unfaithful.